Can't let you go

I have no idea how to start this letter. Up until now, I'm still lost and the words coming out of my mind cannot even express the sadness that I am feeling while I'm writing this letter. I'm so distracted, so confused; it is as if my life has been taken from me. I cannot even write in my diary my loneliness, because eversince, you are the reason why I am keeping a diary. I have so many reasons to grieve, to be depressed and to lose my way. I cannot go on like this. It is so hard to let you go, I cannot really accept it. It has not sinking in me yet. I do not know where to start, how to begin, and how to continue living. 

I kept asking myself, why does it have to be like this? Why is life unfair? Why can't love just conquer everything? It hurts so much that I have to just let you go because you need to build a family, while I have to focus on my career. Just the thought that we can never be together as lovers crushes me into pieces, what more when I see you standing in front of the altar, seeing the man I loved the most saying "I do" to another woman, that would be the worst nightmare that I could ever imagine. But I have to let you go. I don't want to keep you waiting for me in five years time. It is very selfish of me to do that and you do not deserve that. 

I just want you to be happy, and you deserve to be loved by someone much much better than I have done for you. By all means, I'll still be happy for you. I have no time to just cry and stop living, I have to move on. Our good memories are enough to keep me going. I will never forget all the happy and sweet moments that we shared. I will never forget you and everything that we had when we were still a couple. I am contented that I was finally able to fall in love deeply and truly cared for someone, and I have learned how to take good care of someone when he is still mine. I don't want to move on just yet. I want to relive all the happy moments of our relationship and I would keep it forever in my heart. You would always be a great part of my heart and life. 

I can't sleep last night because I was thinking of you, hoping that just in my daydreaming, I would imagine myself being with you, with no one against us, being in your loving arms, holding you tight so that no one could separate us. I love you so much Michael. I can't help but cry while I'm writing this letter to you. I do not know how to make it easier for both of us but let me tell you this, I'll never stop loving you. As long as I can write you a letter, I'll be giving you one. If you need someone to love you, I'll just be here, with an open hand for you. If I was not able to answer your texts, I'm really busy with my work. I would take it as a way for me to replace my longing for you, but anywhere I go, whatever I do, I'm constantly thinking of you. I love you still with all my heart Michael.